From the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel Happy New 'School' Year By Kathleen Kernicky Staff Writer August 8, 2004 It may be hot and humid August, but for many parents the new year begins with the start of school. New teachers. New classrooms. New routines. New school-year resolutions. You know, this year you're going to get organized. Be prepared. Stay on top of things. Remain calm. Avoid school-morning madness and homework headaches. OK, maybe not. But a new school year means a new chance to start off right. So we asked five "experts" for tips on how to make (and keep) some new school-year resolutions that will really count. Resolution: get into a schoolwork frame of mind Assign an age-appropriate chore at home that might brush up a rusty skill, like time management. Ask your child to set the table in time for dinner. If you haven't been to the library lately, take your child to brush up on reading skills. Read to younger children every night. Help them practice new skills that may come up this year. A kindergarten student might need practice tying shoelaces. Teens might need help developing new study strategies. Talk to your children about the start of school. Remember, they may be feeling jitters or anxiety, especially if they are going to a new school. "Acknowledge their feelings," says family counselor Emily Gonzalez-Abreu. "We have to allow children to tell us their feelings. If they don't, they'll find other outlets, like food or acting out of control. Talk to them during play or in a non-threatening environment. Keep it short, sweet and to the point." Resolution: get to bed at a decent time This one is big. Don't wait until the night before school starts to enforce an earlier bedtime. So turn off the television and the PlayStations. Pull out the bedtime stories. A recent survey by the National Sleep Foundation found that children in the United States are not getting as much sleep as they need. How much is enough? General guidelines suggest preschoolers up to age 5 need 11 to 13 hours of sleep per night. Kids up to age 10 need 10 to 11 hours, and teens need at least nine hours, though few apparently are getting that. The culprits, not surprisingly, include television and caffeinated drinks. The survey found that children who had televisions in their bedrooms got less sleep than their peers; on average, by more than two hours of sleep per week less. And kids who had even one caffeinated beverage, such as soda, slept an average of a half-hour less per night than other children. Psychologist Debbie Glasser suggests adjusting bedtimes gradually. Promote predictability, especially with young children, by keeping consistent routines. "Ensure that your children are well-rested and provide enough time in the morning for them to enjoy a nutritious breakfast, get dressed and ready for school," she says. Resolution: master the morning routine "During the summer, you might have been lax," Gonzalez-Abreu says. "If you do everything all at once, it will be too overwhelming for everybody and create a lot of problems. You may see behavioral problems. You can avoid that if you just transition slowly." Once school starts, prepare for your mornings the night before. Have clothes, lunches and backpacks ready. Stick to a routine. Often, the morning tempo is predetermined when missed bedtime or homework routines spill over into tired, pokey kids and rushing around. Social worker Denise Brody and her husband, Richard, split up the workload. He makes school lunches. She makes dinner. He wakes up the 5-year-old. She wakes up their teenage son. Stay calm, Brody advises. Accept that mornings are hectic. Understand kids' limitations. Stay focused on what you have to do. She relaxes by playing jazz music in the car or looking for humor in a stressful situation. "If you get angry at everything, you're going to be out of control and it's going to ruin your whole day," Brody says. "With kids, you have to realize that you're giving up some of that control." Resolution: eat a healthy breakfast A healthy breakfast helps children perform better in school and maintain a healthy weight. But how do you get a cranky child or a moody teen to eat anything early in the morning, especially if they've been sleeping late all summer? Foremost, avoid power struggles. That will only delay everyone in getting out the door and nobody needs a meltdown in the morning. Nutritionist Sheah Rarback suggests talking to your children in advance about what foods they like. Give them appropriate choices. Then prepare as much as possible in advance. "Some of it is about compromise," Rarback says. "Ask them, what would appeal to you?" If they want a chocolate-chip muffin or high-sugar cereal, steer toward healthier choices, like a cereal topped with fresh fruit, or a bagel, English muffin or a pita pocket with peanut butter. Cottage cheese with pineapple, high-protein waffles or a hard-boiled egg are other healthy choices. If you're buying cereal bars, check for fat and sugar contents. Some are glorified candy bars, Rarback says. If your child doesn't feel like eating in the morning, try a breakfast smoothie. There are lots of products in the stores or you can make one the night before. "Even five minutes at the table would be a better choice than eating in the car," Rarback says. Finally, set a good example. Plenty of parents skip breakfast or drink a cup of coffee before rushing out the door. Breakfast is healthy for adults, too. Try to sit with your child and have a glass of orange juice or a piece of toast. Resolution: avoid clothing wars What to wear? Gonzalez-Abreu organizes her daughter's school clothes the weekend before. OK, her daughter is 4. But this strategy can work for tweens and teens, too. Encourage them to pick out their clothes for the week ahead. This saves time, helps ensure the clothes are clean or pressed, and avoids last-minute surprises like, "Where do you think you're going wearing that?" Give children limited and appropriate choices about what to wear. Don't sweat the small stuff, like a mismatched outfit or three ponytails, especially with a young child. When Brody's 5-year-old puts on clashing flower prints or purple socks with a red dress, she cringes but lets it go. It's not worth a fight. "As long as she's neat and clean," Brody says. Business executive Maria Bailey's kids wear school uniforms. "We lay out our uniforms the night before, including their socks. It's part of our bedtime routines," she says. Resolution: prepare good lunches This is a dreaded chore for some parents. If you can't prepare everything in the morning or the night before, break it up a little bit. Bailey prepares a week's worth of lunch snacks on Sundays. She puts all the snack bags in a basket, then drops them into the kids' lunchboxes in the morning. Plan your lunch menu beforehand. Have drinks and side dishes, fruits or vegetables packed and ready to go in the refrigerator. As with breakfast, get the child's input. Ask what they like or take them grocery shopping. Offer a finite number of healthy choices, such as peanut butter, which is high in protein, or cheese sticks or carrots for a side dish or snack. Avoid prepackaged meals (as tempting as that may be) that are high in sodium and fat. If you're sending a juice drink, try freezing it the night before so it will still be cold at lunch (and it will help keep the tuna sandwich cool). Ask the older kids to make their own lunches and help their younger siblings. Resolution: keep track of the paper A new school year brings a swamp of paperwork. Permission slips. Classroom news. Science-project notices. Holiday parties. Bailey keeps an "in" and "out" box beside the hooks where her kids hang their backpacks. When they unpack their bags, they put any paperwork that Mom needs to see in the "in" box. She reviews or signs and puts what needs to be returned in the "out" box. In the morning, the kids pick up paperwork in the "out box" and pack it with their backpacks. "It has made all the difference in the world in our household," Bailey says. "We're not going through drawers and closets looking for whatever paperwork has to go back to school that day." For long-term filing, such as children's artwork, school papers or report cards, Bailey uses expandable folders and labels each by subject and her child's name. Resolution: get a grip on homework and activities Brody sticks to a routine. Her son has a snack after school, then tackles homework before playing outside or turning on the computer or the television. At home, encourage children to choose a quite study area and help them get organized. Avoid over-scheduling by limiting the number of extracurricular activities. It's important to let your child pick an activity they like or would like to try. These activities should always be about fun, not pressure, and not about what the parents want. "Find a balance that feels right for your family," Glasser says. Bailey suggests creating a mobile "homework station" for all the supplies your children need when they're doing homework away from home, like waiting in the dentist's office or at a sibling's soccer practice. Start by finding a plastic container that easily fits in your car. Then, when you buy school supplies, buy two of everything. Put the extra item in the container. Include items they might need unexpectedly, such as a highlighter or an extra pencil or a pencil sharpener. Resolution: know what's going on at school Start by going through your child's school folder and backpack every night. Read the information the teacher sends home. Review your child's work and/or behavior chart. Often, the math or reading work or the art masterpiece they bring home are a springboard for conversation about your child's day. Get to know your child's teacher and friends. E-mail has made it easier than ever to stay in touch with teachers. Make time every day to talk to your child, no matter what their age. If you want your child to talk to you, don't forget to listen. Avoid judging or offering quick advice when a child has a challenge. Work with them to identify ways to solve problems. Let them know you respect and acknowledge their feelings. Even with tweens and teens, "hang in there and remain involved and available," Glasser says. Bailey suggests working parents look for volunteer opportunities that "leverage" what they do at work. If you're an accountant, lend your expertise at the bake sale. If you're in public relations, offer to write a press release for the next school event. Volunteer to speak at career day. "Look for nontraditional ways to be involved," Bailey says. Resolution: create some downtime for yourself The experts cite all of the above, and one more thing. Set aside time for yourself, no matter what you need to do to find it. Brody gets up a half-hour earlier to exercise. Her "downtime" may be spent with her husband and kids at the family business, Brad's Toystand sports cards and collectibles, where most of the customers are kids. So they order a pizza and have a family meal there. Glasser encourages parents to take care of their physical and mental health. Don't be afraid to ask for help. "It's hard to care for others when you're feeling stressed, run-down or overwhelmed," Glasser says. "Nurture yourself. Read. Take walks. Connect with your partner and friends." Kathleen Kernicky can be reached at kkernicky@sun-sentinel.com or 954-356-4725.