>I find my worst critics
>are other women, and I
>wish we could move beyond
>the "WM"/"SAHM" debate, amongst others.
> I want us to
>nurture one another as we
>need each other's support. Hi - I am a SAHM and definitely consider myself a "working mother." (That misnomer should be eliminated from American's vocabulary).
I've encountered the most hostile (hardly nurturing) attitudes from WOHM; they are terribly defensive, which always makes me wonder if they feel pangs of guilt and insecurity. I firmly argue this issue, but am not hostile because I'm very happy to be a SAHM and confident in my choice, knowing never to take it for granted, but believing wholeheartedly that moms really should be home full-time until their child is older. But SAHM must work - staying home doesn't mean sloughing off and being lazy and bored, while the house (and their appearance) are left a mess.
I think the SAHM/WOHM debate is only going to get worse because more and more women are becoming "alpha earners" and in my opinion, it's going to effectively banish previously established family values of the forties and fifties; they are now already in serious decline: Children are confused and left alone to fend for themselves, having to grow up more quickly than ever, dealing with stress from all directions. Men (aka fathers) feel demeaned and demoted, and women (aka mothers) are stressed to breaking points. And no one is really happy on a consistent basis.
I have no argument with women in the workplace; but I'll tell you: I strongly advocate mothers being at home full-time for the young years of their child's life. I cannot understand mothers choosing to be away from their child, yet time and again, women have stated that they don't want to be around their children for very long and are glad to get away - that's just awful. And if mothers work for financial reasons, then perhaps having a child should be put off for awhile. I'm old-fashioned enough to believe that a woman should not have a child unless she is in a good relationship and the couple is at least fairly stable financially. (Of course, circumstances can change for any couple and I realize that sometimes, SAHM must enter the workplace not through "choice" but rather because they must). But I address those who CHOOSE to work outside the home from the time they give birth or when their children are very young.
Mothers are caring less and less about what their children want and need, they expect their husbands to work at a job outside the home AND take on more than their share at home, and Mom goes to "work" somehow believing that she's going to be happy and fulfilled; but here's the truth in too many households: (1) Millions of women barely profit financially after figuring the costs of daycare, transportation, clothing, etc. (2) They just aren't as happy as they expected to be. (3) Their husband and/or children feel neglected and cast aside.
Now, many more men are staying home full-time, and based upon my research, I actually believe that some men are more capable at caring for the children and home; but it's an unnatural process because human females are still the ones who carry a child and give birth. It is not natural for human females to give birth to a baby and leave it for others to raise; in some animal species, the father is the primary caregiver, but it is not natural in the human species.
At any rate, I do wonder if families would be more "functional" (as opposed to such dysfunction) today if:
(1) More moms stayed home full-time and really did their jobs well.
(2) Dads were afforded the opportunity to work at a regular job that offers more security and less chance of layoff (due to the increased numbers of people in the workforce);
(3) Children knew the meaning of: mom and dad staying together, the entire family having meals together, being a part of quality family time, having a mom who will take them to school and pick them up (or homeschool!), a clean, comfortable home every day, fewer extracurricular activities, being taught respect and manners, and most all, knowing that mom's at home if they need anything, dad will be home at 6 to play a game, and that their parents love them, support them and will encourage them to be everything they can be as good and decent citizens of this planet.
Have a good day.
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Conferences
, 07:28 AM, Jun-16-03, (6)