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"time with my husband"

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bizmom Click to EMail bizmomClick to check IP address of the poster Jul-21-00, 01:14 PM (EST)
"time with my husband"
Everyone has been quite around here ... But maybe someone can share their ideas for finding time for their spouse.

I always feel that I am doing an okay job at balancing when it comes to my two children. I try to make sure to spend quality time with them everyday.

But by the time I get them to bed, I'm exhausted. Which doesn't leave much time with my spouse. The other day I realized I couldn't even remember the last time we had sex.

Anyone else feel the same way?

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topsyturvy Click to EMail topsyturvyClick to check IP address of the poster Jul-22-00, 01:41 PM (EST)
1. "RE: time with my husband"
I have definitely been feeling the same way! I know that everyone says to just make a date night, but it is so hard to follow through on that concept. Finally, I found an On-Call Nanny service in our area (we live in the San Fransciso area) that specializes in date nights out. We registered for a small fee and now can schedule a nanny for date night out. The plus of this is the fact that if you cancel, you have to pay for the full amount. At first, I thought this was very inflexible and something we would not like to do, but after thinking about it, I realized that we needed this type of rigidity to make us go out. So far, so good. It's amazing how Dinner and a Movie becomes so romantic after you have children!
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mommylove Click to EMail mommyloveClick to check IP address of the poster Jul-25-00, 08:15 PM (EST)
2. "RE: time with my husband"
I definitely feel that way! Sometimes, it seems that my husband and I are more like friends, than married, because we spend so much time maintaining our family, but not our marriage. Whenever I read advice telling us to go out on a date with our husbands weekly, I laugh! Who has the time? or the money? Seriously, I try to set aside some time for us to go out once a month, and we go out no matter how tired we are. It helps to bring some of the romance back. Also, I made a little deal with my hubby. I just joined a gym, so I told him that we can have sex every night that he takes care of the kids while I work out. Needless to say, he has been "allowing" me to work out almost daily!!!!
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carmom Click to EMail carmomClick to check IP address of the poster Jul-26-00, 10:38 AM (EST)
3. "RE: time with my husband"
Hey, I never thought about using "sex" as a reward but it's a good idea. The only problem is that I am so tired at the end of the day, I can't even find the energy for sex.

I really feel bad for my husband. He's so understanding and never really brings it up. I can't believe that our relationship has gotten to the point where sex just isn't necessary although I'm sure some expert some where would disagree with me.

We have a great relationship and work hard together to make it all work on the home front. He is a doctor and I am an Executive VP of Finance so we both have demanding careers. On top of it we have three children under 10 years of age. I don't think we've had sex in 2 months and yet I don't think we really think about it. We cuddle, kiss and hold hands but by the time we go to bed at different times and a 4 year old sneaks in sometime between midnight and 5 am, who's got time for anything else? I'm so tired that I wonder if the whole world is as tired as I am. And then I think it's so sad that I may have lost my desire for sex.

Sorry for the rambling. Wouldn't it be great to be 18 again, with that body and permission to have sex with the guy you adore?
Perhaps that's what having it all really is.

carmom

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bizmom Click to EMail bizmomClick to check IP address of the poster Jul-27-00, 03:54 PM (EST)
4. "RE: time with my husband"
I'm so glad that I'm not the only mom with no sex life. I mean you know honestly after we have sex I always think wow that's great lets do that more often. But when it comes down to it after working all day, then making dinner, doing chores and getting the kids to bed -- there just isn't any time left.

I always thought a date night would be good, but we've never really had the follow through.

Perhaps I'll get someone to watch the kids this weekend. And give my dh a little hanky-panky like he wants.

Thanks for the advice ....

bizmom

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kathyd Click to EMail kathydClick to check IP address of the poster Jul-30-00, 01:33 PM (EST)
5. "RE: time with my husband"
I once heard it said that your relationship goes through many phases so I hope the cohabitation, parallel parenting phase is just one of them. My only fear is that in 18 years, I'll forget what it was like way back in the beginning with my husband. Four hours on a Saturday night just isn't enough time to regain it when you are already tired and just want a little peace and quite.

I'm always worried about future even though I think we presently have a good relationship.

Kathyd

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debdebs Click to EMail debdebsClick to check IP address of the poster Aug-03-00, 04:39 PM (EST)
6. "RE: time with my husband"
Very interesting conversation. And I'm with the rest of you. After kids, work, household, then comes my husband. And what about me??? When is my time? I'm so tired at the end of the day, I want lights out at 10:00, and that is usually when my husband starts trying to "get it on". Sleep or Sex? I hope that these are not always going to be an either or situation! I believe that it is important to make your marriage a priority. But I do have to constantly remind myself not to take it for granted and not to always make it the last thing on my priority list.
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virtueproverb31 Click to EMail virtueproverb31Click to check IP address of the poster Aug-16-00, 11:46 AM (EST)
7. "RE: time with my husband"
Hang in there ladies. It does get easier. You might not believe it now, but there will come a time that you will long for those long, tiring days. I know it is very clicheish, but "this too shall pass."

No matter what you may think, you can squeeze an hour or two in a week for your husband. It may not sound like a lot of time, but it is better than nothing and he does appreciate it. You will be amazed at the pep you get in your step at then end of your work day, when you know that you are going out on a date with the man you love and adore!

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linzo Click to EMail linzoClick to check IP address of the poster Oct-13-00, 11:20 PM (EST)
8. "RE: time with my husband"
Count me in as a member of this club. I'm only (only?) 36, but have absolutely no interest in sex. What I really want at the end of the day is an hour of peace and quiet, unlimited chocolate and People magazine.

I feel sorry for my husband because he takes it personally and thinks I'm not attracted to him. I've even thought of writing a book about it called "Married Sex and Washing the Kitchen Floor: If it Doesn't Get Done Today, There's Always Tomorrow!" because every day I think, OK, tonight I've got to do it, but it just doesn't happen. I'm hoping I will gain new interest when my two year old gets to kindergarden..if my husband is still around!

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debdebs Click to EMail debdebsClick to check IP address of the poster Oct-16-00, 07:59 AM (EST)
9. "RE: time with my husband"
I was thinking the very same thing last night. "I wonder if when the kids are away at college, if I will be willing to give sex more than 10 mins of time before I fall asleep." . Of course, the kids are only 2 & 4, so that is the really scary part!!! LOL!
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linzo Click to EMail linzoClick to check IP address of the poster Oct-17-00, 09:46 PM (EST)
10. "RE: time with my husband"
Yes, my husband is a patient man, but I'm not sure he'll wait 16 years! I even went to my doctor and asked him to put me on testosterone, but he wouldn't do it...said the side effects were too risky.

I sure would like to hear some solutions from anyone who has found some! Linzo

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normar3 Click to EMail normar3Click to check IP address of the poster Nov-09-00, 00:09 AM (EST)
11. "RE: time with my husband"
Wow, I'm glad to see that there are plenty of other women who aren't as interested in sex as they used to be, but LADIES, NO SEX AT ALL!? My husband and I go thru dry spells, but he definitely keeps me on my toes. Here are some of the creative things we've done to "get some." (Let me add, we have three kids, 8, 3 and 1. He and I are both full-time managers (up to 55+ hrs a week), and I go to school part-time.)
* our kids go to bed at 8:30pm every night, so we sneak a quickie downstairs (we can hear steps on the stairs should one wake up)
* we meet for lunch (we work near each other)
* we leave work early! what a concept! we learned thru this process that the company can actually survive without us
* we get a way for a weekend when we can convince my parents to watch the kids (they live in town)
* we trade babysitting nights with my brother, who also has 3 kids (no pain, no gain!)
* we trade babysitting nights with family members who need handy work done around the house (my husband is very handy!)

I know some of these things aren't possible for everyone, for instance, many people don't have family nearby. These are simple solutions for a problem a married couple can't, or shouldn't avoid. I'm not as interested in sex as I used to be (especially after breastfeeding 3 babies), but I'm very interested in keeping a healthy, happy relationship with my husband. We are going away this weekend and I doubt we'll see the outside of the hotel room, and I'm looking forward to it.

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debdebs Click to EMail debdebsClick to check IP address of the poster Nov-09-00, 09:07 AM (EST)
12. "RE: time with my husband"
Amen! I agree that sex is an important part of a healthy marital relationship, which is why I do try to rev up the ole libido more than I would be inclined to do. But you know, guys (or from my experience) seem to be able to do it (and want to do it) everyday, anytime, any place. So, even a couple of times per week falls short in their eyes.

But I definitely prefer sex at times other than bedtime--we've done a nooner or two in our day, or caught a quickie while the kids are napping, or, heaven forbid we get to sleep past 6:00 am before kids start invading our room--we might kickstart our day the right way!

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emom Click to EMail emomClick to check IP address of the poster Aug-24-01, 02:38 PM (EST)
13. "RE: time with my husband"
It's definitely tricky trying to do it all. I have a 4 month old, 4 year old, and 2 teenage stepchildren. The big kids are rarely here and the small ones are tucked in by 8:30. Time to hit the sack for us. You could try a relaxing bubble bath with candles and soft music together to unwind after a hectic day. Take care of the things that are really not a neccesity the next morning, and set your bedtime 30 minutes earlier every day so you can squeeze in a little extra special time with your husband. An extra 30 minutes of cuddling every day can fit in and
you'll both be happy you did. Sex is also known to be a great stress reducer.
P. S. If you're still tired try a nap in the afternoon with the kids, or even "quiet time". Sometimes The little ones and I spend an hour under the covers reading books, they get a rest and so do I.
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psychomom Click to EMail psychomomClick to check IP address of the poster Aug-24-01, 04:04 PM (EST)
14. "RE: time with my husband"
This is a great discussion. My husband was beginning to think we'd never have sex again-- especially since I'm breast feeding and have plenty of milk so I'm always half dressed when we do have sex. Things have improved in the last two months since our dd became 6 months old and is going to bed earlier. Actually I read in an article that 70% of marriages have significant decreases in satisfaction, especially in the year after the first child is born. At least we're in good company

My husband and I were married 8 years before dd and had a date night almost every Fri night those 8 years. Now that she's not a jellyfish it's harder and we have to get sitters or do family friendly things like go for walks at the ocean.

Personally I cope with lack of sex by basically demanding "gourmet" type of sex every time since it's only 2-3 times a month. If it can't be often it's at least going to be really GOOD!

Psychomom

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teachercb Click to EMail teachercbClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-30-02, 04:42 PM (EST)
15. "RE: time with my husband"
Have faith! Your children will grow and life will get easier. However, the number one gift you can give your children is a healthy relationship with your spouse. Not only does it give them a tremendous sense of security but it is a great model for when they grow up. My 16 year old daughter made me aware of how important it is to be a good role model when she said that she hopes that she can find someone with whom she can talk with and have fun with when she gets older, like her Dad and I do. It isn't always easy, but then again, nothing worth having ever is! How have we managed to keep our love alive through 3 children, dual jobs, and a busy family life. Time together is #1. My house is not immaculate, but it is not messy either. We go out several times a month. Look at the money for babysitters as an investment, a kind of marriage 401k plan!!. Go away at least once a year- where the kids won't hear you or disturb you!! Sometimes it is okay to "plug them in" to a good t.v. show or movie while you take a "nap"! That way you can avoid the nightime exhaustion! Get a lock on your door and make them knock if they need you. It is okay to have some time to yourself. Your children will be gone one day. Hopefully your husband won't!!
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gretchen Click to EMail gretchenClick to check IP address of the poster Mar-13-02, 03:17 PM (EST)
16. "RE: time with my husband"
What about a "DATE NIGHT", once a week, or so???? I'm not sure of your location, but Nannie Agencies are a gold-mine for busy mommies & daddies!!! Especially, since while you were out, your children were having fun, learning and playing.....BUT, not watching TV!!!!
If you are in, or near, the San Francisco Bay Area, we might be able to help out. Our Agency is a referral service for Parents and Nannies. And we've been in business for almost 20 years. Our founder started this out of her house after raising 3 wonderful children. She, as a working mother, knew the kind of help ALL MOTHERS need. Therefore, she got going in assisting as many parents as she could, in helping them find proper, safe care for their children.
If you want more information, please feel free to contact us.....Bay Area 2nd MOM, Inc. (www.2ndmom.com), 1-888-926-3666. My extension is 105.
Best Wishes,
Gretchen Aberg

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Maria Click to EMail MariaClick to check IP address of the poster Mar-31-02, 01:41 AM (EST)
17. "RE: time with my husband"
Well isn't this a popular topic! I've just weaned my two year old, the last of three. I've logged up 28 months of pregnancy and 5.5 years of breastfeeding without a break so the past few months I've been working on "getting myself back". I went to see a new naturopath who happened to be a hypnotherapist too so we had a session of that to basically re-inforce my determination to improve on a number of fronts. I must say we've had amazing results. Also, taking Ginseng, doing a good liver cleanse with fasting and juice and attention to diet, lots of regular exercise and going back to study (time for me to fulfil personal ambitions)has helped. I'd begun to wonder if I'd ever look at him again with "lust stirring in my loins", but it's coming back. Hang in there, take care of yourself and demand that he takes care of you too - there's nothing more antithetical to desire than resentment. Cheers, Maria
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