"Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!"

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bethg May-30-02, 10:39 PM (EST) "Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I am a full-time working, breast-feeding mom with a stay home husband and an 8 month old daughter. We just moved back to the Washington DC area last year, 4 months before our daughter was born. In the course of everything, I have never really met any other moms in the area or made any real friends. But now, how can I? There seem to be endless numbers of support groups and play groups for non-working moms, but what about the rest of us? I need some advice on how to find some outlets for fun and social interaction where I can include my daughter in the limited hours per day that I have with her, and where I won't be looked upon as one of the Stepford wives for going to work every day.....Does anyone have any advice?! Thanks! Beth in Alexandria, VA eegriffiths@yahoo.co.uk   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Table of contents

RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., jennrip, 08:04 AM, May-31-02, (1) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., babr, 11:04 PM, Feb-04-03, (11) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., bizmom, 03:04 PM, May-31-02, (2) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., amyh, 11:21 AM, Jun-17-02, (3) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., Candy, 08:53 PM, Jun-27-02, (4) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., cjstaub, 01:57 PM, Aug-04-02, (5) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., juliesmum, 09:12 AM, Aug-20-02, (6) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., unlimited mom, 11:27 PM, Oct-02-02, (7) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., BXIAN, 06:57 PM, Oct-04-02, (8) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., kacyd33, 10:49 AM, Oct-08-02, (9) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., babr, 11:02 PM, Feb-04-03, (10) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., klomanno, 12:31 PM, Feb-18-03, (12) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., Shauna, 08:40 AM, Jul-05-03, (19) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., sawilliams, 03:55 PM, Mar-27-03, (14) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., sawilliams, 03:56 PM, Mar-27-03, (15) RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friend..., anhudgins, 09:13 AM, Jun-23-03, (16) New reply to this very old post, tbis, 04:22 PM, Jun-23-03, (17) RE: New reply to this very old post, femopine, 07:07 PM, Jun-23-03, (18) RE: New reply to this very old post, klomanno, 04:48 PM, Jul-15-03, (21) RE: New reply to this very old post, kdr202, 03:05 PM, Jul-28-03, (23)

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jennrip May-31-02, 08:04 AM (EST) 1. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I KNOW what you mean. We moved to Virginia Beach and I started my career as a professor which really is tough, course preps are a bear. Then I got pregnant a year later. My husband is also home with our DD--actually HIM finding other men to create friends with is really tough. We do attend a nice church with some working moms and attend a small prayer group there once a week which is nice. But FORGET about finding time beyond that to really develop friendships. I try to work out once a week with one friend, but we're not faithful about it. Then another person I knew before I moved here, she teaches at another local U, we try to get together once a month for breakfast for a couple hours. It makes for really WEIRD friendships. I've never had a time in my life like this where I have no true deep friendships. It's a little lonely, except I'm usually too busy to feel it!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

babr Feb-04-03, 11:04 PM (EST) 11. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" P.S. My name is Beth and I also live in Alexandria bethburkstrandreid@hotmail.com   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

bizmom May-31-02, 03:04 PM (EST) 2. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I know exactly what you mean. Where are the playgroups for the evenings! It's amazing how little time you have for yourself let alone time to have friends. My best suggestion is to find friends at work. I like to survey the desks of co-workers whenever I spot pictures of babies and kids I know i've probably found a working mom. And I try to plan activities at a place like my gym for our kids to play while we can socialize. At least if you meet them in the workplace you'll know they won't be doing the "if you loved your kids you'd stay home mantra"   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

amyh Jun-17-02, 11:21 AM (EST) 3. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I don't know if this will help because my situation is a bit different. My husband and I have a 15-month old and we both work. My son is in daycare close to my office (in DC) and pretty close to my husband. Regardless, it is very rare that we can stop by to see him during the day. After a long commute home, none of us are ready to do more than eat dinner, play for a bit, give our son a bath, and put him to bed. One thing we did was to sign up for a "Baby and Me" swimming class. The classes are offered at many different times - weekdays and weekends - and we chose a Friday at 7:00 PM class. We rushed home and ate really fast and went to the rec center close by to swim together for 45 minutes. It was very fun! The class we took was through Fairfax County, VA recreation department. Ours was in Annandale, VA. There is probably one close to you. Amy   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Candy Jun-27-02, 08:53 PM (EST) 4. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" this looks like my story ! We moved from Brussels , Belgium a year ago, I am working full time and get along fine with my co-worker but other then that I havn't met any new friends, all my evening and WE are tight with my 2 kids and I can't seem to find the time to meet new people!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cjstaub Aug-04-02, 01:57 PM (EST) 5. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I can really relate too. I used to work full-time at an office, but left recently to become a part-time consultant from home. In most ways, it's fabulous. But I really miss my work friends, most of whom live a couple of hours away. And it made me realize that I have very few non-work friends, and none who live nearby. I've tried to get to know other moms in my neighborhood, but it seems everyone is busy and it will just take time to get to know people.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

juliesmum Aug-20-02, 09:12 AM (EST) 6. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I used to be exactly in the same situation. At the end of the day I found a great online group. We have similar backgrounds and interests, we all work, and you can go and leave messages on the board whenever you want, either at work or late at night. We've met up a couple of times and it's been great, but the best part is to have somewhere to go and ask questions or vent your frustrations when they come. One of the gilrs has become a close friend, even though she lives a few hours away we email almost every day and it's been a great support. Good luck!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

unlimited mom Oct-02-02, 11:27 PM (EST) 7. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I am the mom of a four year old boy. You know what people always say about having kids: "Your life will never be the same". They are right! Sometimes that is bad and sometimes it is great! One of the drawbacks is that there is not as much "me" time for a mom - to spend with friends or just by herself. I have found that my "best" friend has actually become my husband, we make more time to spend with each other than with our other friends. And a lot of my old friends who don't have children have kind of drifted - not that we aren't friends, but it is harder to spend quality time. It takes effort and creativity to keep it up. Try movies and lunch with a friend that has kids of a similar age. Or, even better, a park or Chucky Cheese where the kids can play and you can get in a good talk. I've gotten into scrapbooking parties ("crops"), there is no way my husband wants to join me for that and most of the time I come home with very little to show for it but a dry tongue from all the girl talk! Most of all, remember to be a friend to yourself and try to make time for you somehow, listen to music you love as you drive to work or read a great book at lunch. You might want to check out my web site http://www.unlimitedmom.com - It is dedicated to working moms with issues just like yours!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

BXIAN Oct-04-02, 06:57 PM (EST) 8. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I can relate very well to what you are going through! I moved to a new area 6 years ago, and between work, my husband and my kids, it was very tough to find the time to make female friends my own age. That first winter was lonely with lots of tears-even though my life was otherwise very rewarding, I needed to have connections with other women. My advice would be to try to build a sense of community. I joined a local Newcomer's club and the PTA, which helped in the sense of connecting with familiar faces once a month. They both had activities at night. Even though these groups did not provide me with any close friends, I still met some nice people, some of whom I got to know well enough for them to introduce me as their friend, which felt good. Through one of those groups, I got involved with a book club which meets monthly-also at night. Perhaps a local bookstore or library would have something like that in your area. I was also fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood where people were receptive to newcomers. I have made good friends here-but it took a while. Don't give up!!!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

kacyd33 Oct-08-02, 10:49 AM (EST) 9. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I hate to give a shameless plug, but I think this could really help some of you. I hope that a few of you have heard of the new magazine, Balance. (www.findbalance.com). It's based out of Detroit and is currently making a big splash on national media. It is FANTASTIC for those of you struggling to find time for work, home and play. It's the only magazine out there solely dedicated to helping those of us (and I'm one) in need of some time saving strategies and tools. Working moms can especially benefit as it gives tips for quick recipes, organizing time during your day, and still having the time for the fun stuff.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

babr Feb-04-03, 11:02 PM (EST) 10. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" Amen. I had your exact thought today as I overheard a group of women talking about their stay-at-home woes. I'm dying for a full-time working mother friend. What am I supposed to do, advertise? My stay-at-home mom friends (who are great) would be so hurt if they knew I felt I needed working mom support. But what can I say? At the end of the day, I'm pushing 30 with a 17 month old. I LOVE being a lawyer and you couldn't pay me to stay at home (my husband watches our little girl). That sentiment is not exactly related to by my at-home-mom friends. Please let me know if you find an outlet. I'll meet you there!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

klomanno Feb-18-03, 12:31 PM (EST) 12. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I feel the same way about stay-at-home moms and working moms. I feel so guilty saying this, but I would go insane if I had to stay home with my daughter full-time. I need work to balance my life. I'm not content simply being "Samantha's mom." I have to have my own identity. I also try to make working-mom friends, but it just seems like even when I find a mom who shares my feelings, neither of us has the time to get together! I actually decided to start my own business devoted to helping working moms balance work and family. Not to sound like a salesperson, but feel free to visit my Web site at http://www.workingmomcoach.com. I like the idea of helping moms who have been in the same boat as me. And while I don't have all the answers, I have done lots of research and writing on the subject of working moms and can provide perspective.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Shauna Jul-05-03, 08:40 AM (EST) 19. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" I feel really alone sometimes as well. I know there must be thousands of 30 something career oriented mothers in the Twin Cities area who feel the same way, but I don't run into many. I am even in an Executive MBA program, but there are only a few women in my cohort. My husband lost his job a few months ago and will likely be starting nursing school soon, and as much as it's nice having him home, we find this reversal of roles very strange. Do I have to advertise in the paper to find other women with similar situations?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

sawilliams Mar-27-03, 03:55 PM (EST) 14. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" Someone please find US a solution. I was just commenting this week to a few friends about how I, a full time working mom, with a 8mth old and a stay at home dad, spend less than three days a week (total) hours with my child and fing my self compensating by buying toys to replace the time I can't spend with her. Please advise.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

sawilliams Mar-27-03, 03:56 PM (EST) 15. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" Someone please find US a solution. I was just commenting this week to a few friends about how I, a full time working mom, with a 8mth old and a stay at home dad, spend less than three days a week (total) hours with my child and fing my self compensating by buying toys to replace the time I can't spend with her. Friends, I never have the time. Please advise.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

anhudgins Jun-23-03, 09:13 AM (EST) 16. "RE: Work, baby, husband - who has friends?!" Hi! Just saw this post. I have a 13 month old son and live in Washington DC. I'm always looking for other working moms to get together with -- maybe our own monthly playgroup? I've talked about this with a few neighbors and would really like to get this started. any interest? let me know at anhudgins@att.net. Allison   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

tbis Jun-23-03, 04:22 PM (EST) 17. " New reply to this very old post" This post was made over a year ago, but I couldn't resist a response: First of all, here we go again . . . WHAT is a non-working mom? C'mon! Get the word out - enough with the insulting label. Yes, there are many support groups and playgroups for "stay at home mothers", but most are nothing more than a chance for mindless mommies to get together to talk baby stuff. It is difficult for intelligent, well-read, and interesting women to find like-minded friends. There are so few remaining in this world full of women who are either uneducated, obsessed with careers, full-time baby factories, or just plain lazy and apathetic. FYI: The Stepford wives were actually women who were opinionated and had their own interests, talents, etc., but were made into robotic-like housewives who were totally subservient to their husbands, and thought of nothing more than all things household (cooking, cleaning, etc.), - therefore, the term "Stepford wives" is not correctly applied in your post.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

femopine Jun-23-03, 07:07 PM (EST) 18. "RE: New reply to this very old post" Agreed! And oh yea, do I know what you mean! I'm a mother, but not one of the "mommies" (LOL) and I have no interest in getting together with a group of cackling hens talking about breast-feeding and play dates and scrapbooking. (LOL) And it's getting harder to find a message board for women that's not geared to either (1) the mommies of babies or (2) agitated mothers who work away from home and are angry because their family doesn't do enough.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

klomanno Jul-15-03, 04:48 PM (EST) 21. "RE: New reply to this very old post" It sounds like tbis and femopine hate everyone: They don't like stay-at-home moms because they're "mindless cackling hens." They hate working moms because they're "obsessed with careers." No one can win, can they? We're not allowed to talk about our kids because that makes us mindless. We're not allowed to talk about our careers because that makes us bad mothers. Perhaps we should just sit around and talk about how terrible other mothers are so we can feel self-righteous and vain. Would that make you happy?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

kdr202 Jul-28-03, 03:05 PM (EST) 23. "RE: New reply to this very old post" Ignore Laurel and Hardy. I'm absolutely certain that most members simply roll their eyes at every posting by tbis and her sidekick. I would write these two off as a couple of angry and bitter women (or men) who seem to spend their days waiting for just the right moment to pounce on mothers in general. Personally, I now find it amusing that these women put so much time and energy into spilling all that self-righteousness across each response to so many postings (who's watching the kids???).   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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