Sandi Esptein coaches clients on home life and work. She also coaches on business issues and has over 15 years experience in marketing and business management with an MBA from Columbia University. Ask her all your work and family balance questions.
Deciding to have another child
Q: My wife is a financial planner, and we have a 5 and 3 year old. She works 7:30 to 5, 5 days a week, and we have a full time nanny. We are considering a third child, but my wife has obvious concerns about spreading time between 3 kids. Also, if we move out of the city and to a suburb, she is concerned about being excluded from the loop, by non-working moms. Any advice?
Adam
A:
Dear Adam,
Deciding on a third child is not an easy process. There any many factors to
take into consideration and then of course the unknowns of parenthood that
you can't anticipate. I would ask that each of you address the question in 3
ways:
Logically
- write down all the positives and negatives that a third
child brings to your life
Creatively
- think of all the ways you might
change your life around to resolve the negatives (cutting work schedules,
working from home, a sabbatical - in the case of spending more time with
children and community)
Emotionally
- now imagine your new life in a
20 minute visualization (take 20 minutes in a peaceful place, relax, close
your eyes and step into your new life - what comes up for you?). Using this
method helps to pull up an answer that addresses both the logical side as
well as the intuitive side of the decision process.
Don't expect your final
decision to be a logical one, sometimes we just have a sense that something
is right or wrong for us.
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