Uncompromising Self Care By Business Coach Joyce K. Reynolds The human body is amazing. Resilient, adaptable and obedient. It does what we tell it to do even to the point of accepting abuse. In other words, if we ask our bodies to respond to unreasonable demands and deprivation, they will attempt to perform all the way to breakdown. Yet, rather than addressing the small ways in which we can take better care of ourselves – e.g. taking a little break in the day might moderate our mood to the good of all - we often choose to focus critically on how we can change or push our bodies further. When we accept that the rewards of ultimate good health and well-being come from the inside, we can start focusing on developing self-nourishing attitudes and behaviors. Respectfully maintaining – in all aspects - our own private ecosystem. Uncompromising self-care, therefore, is about addressing body, mind and spirit. Replacing the effects of overuse and neglect with healthy, robust, fully-balanced life styles. We can enhance our well-being and life energy in many self-caring ways. Here are just a few: 1. Do Unto Ourselves. Dr. Christiane Northrup asks, "How would your life be different if you learned how to love and respect your body as though it were your own precious creation, as valuable as a beloved friend or child? How would you treat yourself differently?" Even as we insist that our children - and pets! - eat right, exercise, get plenty of rest and participate in life-enriching activities, many of us continue to think that those same rules do not apply to us. That we are obliged by the press of business and circumstances to drive ourselves beyond reasonable limits. Most of us, in fact, take our bodies' endurance and obedience for granted. We skip meals or overeat. We pass up social and relaxation times and squeak by on little or no rest. We work relentlessly, put off medical appointments, sacrifice self-care and personal pleasures and rely on Starbuck's for energy. In short, many of us treat our cars better than we treat ourselves. It's only when we stop bullying and abusing ourselves and set a high priority on self-care that we will experience the rewards of vigorous and satisfactory lives. 2. No Excuses. Disregarding our needs for whatever reason simply means we've put ourselves last on the list of priorities. We run ourselves down and burn the candle at both ends finding endless but seemingly valid reasons for indulging in self-neglecting behavior. "I'm too busy to go to out to lunch." "A movie? Hah, who has time?" "The kids need more attention." "I have to take care of my mother." "I just can't go out and enjoy myself when I have so much to do." "I don't really know how to relax." Clearly, there is a certain seductiveness to being needed. But, when we continuously let outside obligations displace or overshadow our self-care, the decline of health and spirit begins. In the same way the airlines used to remind us when traveling with small children to put on our oxygen masks first, we need to focus first on our health and well-being after which we can be of maximum value to others. 3. Out of the Mouths of Babes. It appears that up and coming young people are generally not so driven to overwork. That they are less defined by what they do for a living. And, that they get as much of a sense of belonging and identity from their social networks as they do from their workplaces. And, that they clearly appreciate a life outside work. In fact, according to a survey conducted by Hilton Hotels Corporation, three-fourths of Generation Y and X workers were insistent about their need for extra vacation time. Sure, there might be a lot of eye-rolling over this one - like, yeah, right. Kids today are just lazy. On the other hand, maybe they're just onto the big picture - that there's way more to life than work. In either event, they've got the right idea. 4. Chill. A recent ABCNEWS.com poll was titled: 'Working too hard? One in four Americans feels your pain, but the rest might have some simple advice: Chill.' The study reported that while 46 percent of respondents said "working long hours is worth it because it produces prosperity," 50 percent replied "it's not worth it because it creates stress and lack of time." Even as many of us are challenged by a business culture that attaches great importance to long working hours and discourages personal priorities, our good health and well-being hinge on finding ways to successfully integrate both. This might include: openly addressing and challenging our organizations to restore a healthy balance; professionally presenting a picture of how a long-work-hours culture leads to stress, ill-health, relationship strains and low productivity; respectfully working to change the status quo by introducing new ways of working that allow time for all things that matter to us - love, work, exercise, travel, fun and time for doing absolutely nothing. One thing it does not include is agreeing to work in a manner that is self-defeating and health-threatening. 5. Work Smart. Margaret Brooks, vice-president of HR at Cadence Design Systems, said: "Sometimes, when we're working on a specific project, that means going the extra mile. But we (have to) respect the importance of work/life balance. Part of this is to work smarter rather than longer." Of course, working smart makes good sense. But, figuring out how to work smart is one of life's greatest challenges. Simply put, our efforts should go toward high-priority tasks, the tasks that contribute to important goals. We can emulate successful people who have learned how to successfully manage their efforts. We can pick up the habit of completing important tasks first while ignoring or letting go of petty stuff that screams for attention but leads us nowhere. We need to think differently and get more creative with our solutions. Working smart means being organized, well-prepared and resourceful. It means prioritizing, simplifying and delegating. It means being disciplined, efficient, effective and consistently turning away disruptions. In short, working smart means developing a plan that puts a high priority on quality-of-life and being disciplined to follow it. 6. Get Into the Guilt-Free Zone. A difficult hurdle for most of us is determining what is reasonable or unreasonable to expect of ourselves. To be sure, just because a request is made does not mean we are obliged to agree to it - no matter who makes it. One way to achieve a more comfortable life is to work at establishing good boundaries and attendant guilt-free zones. This requires staying tuned to our inner selves. Noticing when we start hesitating or hedging, feeling trapped, cornered or plain hot under the collar. Understanding that any of these means someone is more than likely approaching one of our boundaries. We can either squelch our feelings or listen to them. We can stop to evaluate the demands that are being made of us. Begin to intellectually - not emotionally - decide what is appropriate. Then, clearly and consistently follow the decisions we come to. It also important for us to check our motives - knowing the difference between really wanting to do what's being asked or doing it just to please someone else. When a high priority is placed on self-care, we will soon overcome the discomfort these changes might bring and, finally, eliminate any guilt that arises from making decisions that favor our well-being. 7. This Feels So Good. Why don't I do it more often? We've all said it countless times after we've gotten back to the gym or yoga class, taken a quick nap when we were tired, gotten a massage or left work early on occasion. Yet, we don't regularly provide ourselves with these kinds of 'feel goods.' In fact, the majority of Americans are not physically active - seven out of ten not regularly active during their leisure time - including 4 in 10 who are not active at all, according to a report by the Department of Health and Human Services. The report goes on to say that we "don't have to work up a big sweat at the gym or become a long-distance runner. Just 30 minutes of walking a day, five days a week, can significantly improve your health. Quite often healing your body can be as simple as adding a few nutritional supplements to your diet. Exercise helps to increase stamina. It does not need to be grueling. Take time to enjoy the things you like doing. Eat good nutritious food." When we follow such simple advice, begin to know and listen to our bodies and make healthy lifestyle choices and changes, we all but ensure ourselves a 'feel good' state of being. 8. Eat, Drink, Rest and Be Merry. "The body is a sacred garment. It's your first and last garment. It is what you enter life in and you depart life with and it should be treated with honor," said Martha Graham. That includes eating well. Ancient Chinese and Indian teachings reflect reverence around eating - a meal being considered a meditation unto itself, often to be enjoyed in silence to afford the body its highest digestive integrity. While this may seem an extravagance, we might want to consider the modest alternative of regularly sitting down to a proper meal. That we arrange our food attractively and take time to savor its aromas. Equally important is that we drink plenty of water. According to health expert, Judy Rotz, water is the most valuable and necessary 'nutrient' for the proper operation of the human body. That keeping our bodies well-hydrated through regular water consumption allows them to eliminate concentrated toxins that can have deleterious effects and lead to failing health. According to a poll conducted by the National Sleep Foundation at least 63% of Americans get less sleep than they did five years ago because they are putting in more and more hours at work. Our brain, memory and creativity all suffer when we get inadequate rest. We cannot concentrate and become irritable making us less than ideal people to be around. All valid reasons for putting our heads to the pillow. And, for the 'be merry' part, not only did Norman Cousins prove that laughter is, indeed, the best medicine, studies show that two minutes of "belly laughter" is the equivalent of 10 minutes on a rowing machine. You choose. 9. Get a New Plan, Stan. By now, we can tell there are lots of changes we can be making. Some of the basics we can put into place include: stop for lunch - or at least a break - everyday and do something unrelated to work. Determine what they are and work reasonable hours. Schedule breathing room in the day. Do not stack meetings and appointments on top of one another. Keep things uncluttered and calm. Focus often on stated priorities. Learn to successfully hire competent people and delegate work. Keep our on-the-job time professional, keeping personal interruptions to a minimum. Overall, know our limits and refuse to take on more than we can handle. As important as all the rest and keeping in mind the words of Cherie Carter-Scott - 'You will receive a body. You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on earth" - plan irrevocable personal care time for yourself. 10. Surrender. The truth is that we really can't feel good about anything if we neglect ourselves. Surrendering to self-care provides a cure. As one smart executive put it, "I was getting terribly depressed. But I worked on immediate things I could control. I reprioritized my workload, got a great new haircut, got back to aerobics classes and started eating healthier foods. It was amazing how quickly the depression lifted when I made myself a top priority." The fact is that self-esteem is closely tied to self-care. Without it, our confidence begins to slide. Taking care of ourselves actually helps us efficiently take care of everything else. When we feel good, we can give more to our careers, our relationships, our overall responsibilities. What is required is that we give up the idea of taking care of the rest of the world at the cost of self-sacrifice. That we be dedicated to taking care of ourselves on a regular basis, saying 'no' to anything that would interrupt our wellness plans. That we make time and space for emotional warmth and pleasure, to enjoy our environment, attend to our appearance and good health and to observe precious daily rituals that offer inner well-being and peace. In the words of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded." When we do so, we will soon find that such surrender turns into life's greatest victory. Also see: • Guarding Your Time: How to Say No • Overcoming working mother guilt • Finding balance: How can your employer help? Joyce K. Reynolds is an expert Business Coach who works with CEOs, Sr. Execs, entrepreneurs and countless others providing knowledge, solutions, motivation and support that assist her clientele in successfully meeting workplace challenges. Read her Q&As on BlueSuitMom