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Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
Bewitching HourRachel writes, "I could use some suggestions on how to tame the time of the day when everyone comes home from work, school,and day-care and we are trying to get dinner on the table. The energy is very high and not always pleasant and the stress of it all will often prevent a peaceful family dinner."Answer: Easing the re-entry home from a hectic workday is extremely important for yourself and your family. Leave your stress where it originates. Don’t take work stress home or home stress to work--both are ineffective. Although it may not be the first time you've seen some of these tips, perhaps, this will be the first time you actually act on them. Be open to new ideas. Any of these tips will improve the transition between work and home if you are serious about de-compressing. 1. Before you leave work for the day, make a list of the things you'll have to deal with tomorrow. 2. Immediately upon entering your home, change from work clothes into clothes that help you feel more comfortable. 3. Exercise for 15-30 minutes either by yourself or with family members that want to join in. 4. Use your commute time as an opportunity to unwind from the day. 5. Meditate (or lye down) for at least 15 minutes. 6. Take a small detour on your way home to alleviate traffic. 7. If you take mass transit in a safe area, get off the bus/train one stop prior to your regular and walk the distance, if possible. 8. Sit quietly and watch the news or read the newspaper while everyone re-acclimates into the home environment. 9. Take a 15-minute shower or bath. 10. Put out a healthy snack of cheese and crackers, fresh fruits, raw vegetables, etc. right away so you can relax and serve dinner later. 11. Tune into your favorite music or inspirational tape. 12. Delegate/assign roles and responsibilities so that everyone contributes to the success of your home. And, to generally create more peace at home, you'll need to establish fair and consistent standards and limits. Children depend on the adults in their life to set these for them until they are old enough to do so for themselves. When they are older, they continue to need your guidance and modeling of proper behaviors. It's also important to make your home a place of kind words. Albeit the stress from the bewitching hour at dinnertime often seems to prevent a peaceful family dinner it's still important to set the tone. Eliminate put-downs altogether in your home and stick to "I" messages that don't put the other person on the defense. Always cool off when you are feeling angry so that you can better control your reaction to situations as they occur. And, as you begin changing the pace and energy in your home at dinnertime, acknowledge your family (and yourself) for their positive contributions. Compliment them immediately, specifically and sincerely when they behave in positive ways. Positive reinforcement will go a long way to the modifications you are hoping to create. Be patient, it takes about 21 days to change a habit that isn't working effectively. Through conscious repeated effort, you will create more peace in your home at dinnertime and throughout the rest of the day.
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