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Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
Overcoming Guilty FeelingsDebbie writes, "I am a single mother of two boys 3 and 10 years. Next week I will be starting a demanding full-time position. The problem is I already feel guilty about not being able to spend as much time as I would like with my children and after work I will be too tired to give them the attention they deserve any suggestions?"Answer: A few things come to mind----Is this new position really necessary? What other positions might be available that are not as demanding? Give yourself (and your children) some time to adapt to your new position. Right now you are anticipating a grueling job and feelings of guilt. You haven't even begun the position yet, though. From the beginning, establish clear limits and focus on using your work time highly productively. Take the energy you are using to worry about your upcoming situation and use it to create a strategy and find solutions. Your dilemma is common for single parents. You are working to provide for your family yet that necessity is pulling you away from your children and creating an internal conflict. Be the best mother you can be. Do not berate yourself for what you don't or can't do. Focus on making sure your kids are well cared for in your absence. Be fully present when you are there. In your case, it's quality time rather than quantity time that will make a difference. Give everyone time to adjust. And, acknowledge yourself for your hard work and desire to care for your family. As far as the guilt goes, your guilt is not serving you in a productive way right now. So, you can either use it to produce a change in your situation or let it go. Guilt is one of the biggest wasters of emotional energy. Introduce logic to help counter-balance your guilt. While at work, limit your stress by using good time management and organizing techniques. Set priorities and take responsibility. Do not over-extend yourself-- learn to say "no" to personal and professional demands and obligations so that you can reduce some pressure on yourself. Lastly, focus on being grateful for the opportunities you do have. Your life and attitude will improve when you focus on the things that are working.
Good luck in your new job.
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