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Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
Returning to Work After Maternity LeaveLaura writes, " I'm currently on maternity leave and will be returning to work in three weeks. I'm worried about making the adjustment to spending all my time with my baby to working and only having less time at home. What will make this transition easier?"Answer: I read two distinct issues into your question. One of time management and the other related to the whole notion of transitioning back to work. Returning to work after maternity leave is often fraught with many mixed emotions. I recall how difficult it was for me when it was time to go back to work after I had my son. It was necessary to begin preparing physically, mentally and emotionally weeks before my scheduled return date. It was also important to find daycare for my son that I was totally comfortable with. I knew I was not ready to give up my career because it was both fulfilling and challenging. Although where and how I work has changed dramatically since the birth of my first child, work continues to contribute to my overall being. Now that you're learning to juggle being a wife and mother, the next step will be to find effective ways to integrate your work with the rest of your life. Working will create extra demands on your already diminished levels of time and energy. It's critical to your success and well being that you institute boundaries that allow you to use your time most productively and efficiently. Prioritizing and organizing both at work and home will be of utmost importance. In addition, planning and anticipating will support you in your new role as a working parent. Realize the feelings and anxiety your are experiencing right now are normal. Discuss your feelings with your husband, and take some time to consider all options. Be creative. Your choices may include delaying your return to work until your baby is older, working part-time, working a flexible schedule, working out of your home or staying home until your child is in school. Whatever option you choose, use the power of choice to consciously choose what's right for you and your family. Begin by assessing your needs and desires to work. It helps to be real clear about why you are working. If you’re breastfeeding your baby, plan to continue. There’s nothing more wonderful than reuniting at the breast at the end of your workday. Start pumping and storing your breast milk now. Provide your breast milk for meals while you are at work and unable to feed directly. When you return home, you can reconnect with your baby snuggled close to your breast. Also, begin changing your sleep patterns. If you are like many, you've probably been napping in the afternoon while your baby naps. Insure you have adequate sleep, nutritious meals and exercise to keep up your energy and wellness. Although guilt may be prevalent for you as you transition back to work, let go of the guilt. Guilt comes from a lot of places for working moms. Many fret about leaving their baby behind and missing precious moments of his/her childhood. Others feel guilty because they crave the stimulation and fulfillment they receive from working and the adult interaction it provides. So, regardless of whether you are returning to work for financial reasons or for your own sanity, consciously be in choice about your work. You may not be able to control everything, but you can control your attitude, behavior and emotions. Working does not change how you feel about your baby, so don't beat yourself up about it. Insure that the time you do spend with your baby is of high quality, free of distractions and stress about other issues. Gradually returning to your full-time schedule may ease the burden during your transition. Begin with a part-time schedule. Allow your baby to get to know his/her caregiver for a couple of hours a day while you are still around. Up until now, your baby has received most of his/her care exclusively from you, so, realize that this will be a transition for your baby, as well. Be assured in your decision of caregiver and know that you've selected the best for both you and your baby. Request a more flexible work schedule that may allow you to work from home one or more days per week. Seek out an alternative work schedule such as telecommuting, job sharing or flextime, if possible. Although the flexible arrangements would obviously benefit you, be clear how the arrangement would benefit your employer. Draft a proposal that outlines how the work will get done, how they will benefit and what they can expect. You may also be able to work with your husband to stagger your work times so that you each have the opportunity to spend solid quality time with your baby. It may be helpful to talk with your boss before you return about your job duties and schedule. (Note: a great resource for creating a proposal for a flexible work arrangement is Workoptions.com). It's also important to build a reliable support network so that you can seek and receive help. Begin now letting others care for your baby so that you are more comfortable leaving your baby with someone else. Accept the offers of help from friends, family and colleagues. Learn from other moms who have transitioned back to work. Other employed mothers will be your best teachers. Seek out those who are either going through, or have been through the same predicament. Once you're back at work, find ways to ease the transition daily from your job to home. Take five minutes at the end of the day before rejoining your baby to de-stress. Although you'll be looking forward to a warm reunion, both you and your baby may be hungry and tired. Try to be low-key and concentrate on quick, easy ways to feed everyone dinner. Trade off with your husband on whom gets to spend time with the baby and who handles dinner. At work, take time to meet with your boss and colleagues to get updated on the status of work and special projects. Be open to learning new equipment, programs or technology that have been brought into the office since you left on your leave of absence. Be aware that your colleagues may also experience a transition period getting used to you being back at work. They may have taken ownership of your projects. You may even feel a little out of place at first. Just be sensitive to their feelings, as well. It may be tempting to constantly think about and talk about your baby while you are apart. However, it's important to separate work and home. Avoid letting the overriding topic for every conversation you have at work be about your new baby. It's okay to talk about the baby and show pictures, but don't overdo it. After the first flurry of enthusiasm over your return, don't be surprised if things rapidly get back to the normal routine. Don't feel your co-workers are ignoring you. Also, don't fret about work while you are home. Be where you are 100% and focus on the present. Demonstrate your commitment to work by returning on the day that you said you would. A few days of delay can make a huge difference to your boss and colleagues who are relying on you to take over your responsibilities or take on a new project. This may be a highly emotional time for you. Give yourself permission to cry privately. Realize you are not the same person you were when you left work. Just trying to figure out who you are now in terms of your values, attitudes, beliefs and life purpose may take some time as well as deep introspection. No matter how well you prepare for being a working parent, there will always be surprises. Having a flexible attitude and strong network of family and friends will take you far. Be willing to revise your plan to fit the circumstances if things are not going well. Know in your heart that you will do the best you can for your baby and yourself. Establish a rhythm that blends your work and home life. It will take time to readjust, so, give yourself the space and drop the "supermom" image. The following books are excellent resources for working parents transitioning back to work:
"Working and Caring" by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. Rest assured, there is no easy solution; and there's certainly no right or wrong answer. Careful planning and the right resources will ease your transition back to work best.
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